Taylor Frankie Paul’s ‘Bachelorette’-Ending Incident Has Everyone Discussing DARVO. Here’s What It Means.

The hotly anticipated season of “The Bachelorette” starring Taylor Frankie Paul as the eligible bachelorette won’t air, ABC announced Thursday. The decision comes after footage obtained by TMZ appears to show Paul hitting her ex-boyfriend, Dakota Mortensen, and throwing a metal chair at him during an incident in 2023.

Paul originally made a name for herself as one of the stars of Hulu’s “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” which has given viewers a peek into Paul and Mortensen’s oft-tumultuous relationship.

According to People magazine, there is currently an open “domestic assault investigation” into Paul and Mortensen after a February incident, but specifics are unknown. “Allegations have been made in both directions,” Us Weekly reported. This comes after Paul was arrested on assault and domestic violence charges in 2023.

In a statement to People magazine about the leaked video and ABC’s decision to pull “The Bachelorette,” a spokesperson for Paul said, “Taylor is very grateful for ABC’s support as she prioritizes her family’s safety and security. After years of silently suffering extensive mental and physical abuse as well as threats of retaliation, Taylor is finally gaining the strength to face her accuser and taking steps to ensure that she and her children are protected from any further harm.”

“There are too many women who are suffering in silence as they survive aggressive, jealous ex-partners who refuse to let them move on with their lives. Taylor has remained silent out of fear of further abuse, retaliation and public shaming. She is currently exploring all of her options, seeking support, and preparing to own and share her story,” the statement continued.

While no one has complete insight into Paul and Mortensen’s dynamic, one term has repeatedly popped up in the comments section on social media as people dissect the years-long situation between the pair: DARVO, which stands for deny, attack, reverse victim and offender.

What’s that mean? DARVO is a manipulation tactic that’s commonly seen in abusive relationships when an abuser uses victim-blaming behavior to avoid accountability.

The abuser denies any abuse, attacks the victim and then transforms into the victim. This could look like the victim voicing distaste in something the perpetrator said, only for the perpetrator to respond with something like, “How dare you say that to me after I do so much for this family? You are mean and need help.”

Here’s what to know about DARVO and how it commonly shows up in relationships:

DARVO is commonly used by psychological abusers like narcissists and sexual abusers when confronted or criticized as a way to “deflect responsibility, discredit the other party and maintain their sense of superiority and control,” according to PNW Psychological Wellness.

A defining trait of a narcissist is the inability to handle any kind of criticism, as it threatens their intrinsic belief that they’re always right and superior to those around them. By using DARVO during confrontation, narcissists can maintain that feeling of superiority.

It’s also a way for perpetrators to cast doubt on a situation and make the actual victim look bad.

“This technique injects a misleading or fictitious counter-narrative that can be compelling for people to believe. It can also be confusing: Who’s telling the truth, what really happened?” Sarah Harsey, an assistant professor of psychology at Oregon State University-Cascades, previously told HuffPost.

Research also shows that when an abuser uses DARVO, a victim’s story becomes less believable to those around them.

Instead of holding a perpetrator accountable, the actual victim now has to spend time defending themselves or even questioning their reality. This can cause them to drop established boundaries and even believe they are the “bad guy.”

When an abuser uses DARVO to change the narrative and become the victim, it allows their bad behavior to continue, experts say.

“This allows the actual perpetrator to continue harmful behavior while still feeling justified, because they now see themselves as wronged or victimized,” Avigail Lev, a psychologist in San Francisco, previously told HuffPost.

Dealing with someone who manipulates you using DARVO can be harmful and dangerous. It can lead to self-doubt, a loss of self-confidence and a distrust in those around you.

The first step in addressing a perpetrator who uses DARVO to manipulate you is to recognize that it’s happening in the first place, according to Harbor Psychiatry and Mental Health.

Because DARVO follows a predictable pattern (deny, attack, and reverse victim and offender), it becomes fairly easy to spot when it’s used,” Harsey previously told HuffPost. “We’ve conducted research that shows how educating people about DARVO renders it a little less convincing,” Harsey added.

If you notice the behavior, name it and seek support from trusted loved ones.

It can also be helpful to ask your friends for “reality checks” to help you determine what is actually real, therapist Jeff Guenther said in an Instagram reel.

Seeking therapy for additional guidance and support can also be helpful.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline.