With so many (like, So. Many.) options for vibrators and other store-bought sexcessories out there, it’s easy to forget about the OG sex toy: Your hands. And while there are all kinds of ways to use these built-in pleasure-providers to get yourself off, one of the best is some good old-fashioned clit rubbing. Don’t get us wrong, we love our trusty vibes, but never underestimate the power of your very own fingers. They really are a faithful way to get the deed done, so knowing how to rub your clit in a way that works for you is a crucial skill to have in your masturbation repertoire.
In case you missed it, the clitoris is pretty much the key to maximizing sexual pleasure for most female-bodied folks. According to certified sex coach Lucy Rowett, a clinical sexologist, this sweet spot boasts 10,000 (yes, 10,000!) nerve-endings, which makes it a sensation-rich powerhouse bursting with orgasmic potential. And considering 82 percent of vagina-owners can’t orgasm from penetration alone, clitoral stimulation is often essential for women and AFAB people to experience climax.
When the clit is getting the kind of attention it deserves, it becomes engorged with blood, causing it to become erect, explainsboard-certified sex educator Linnea Marie. “This pleasure organ has one main mission: to bring joy and delight to its owner,” she says. So, yeah, it’s pretty much the epicenter of all things female pleasure.
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While all of this may make the clit seem like a small but mighty little button, it’s important to note that there is wayyy more to it than just the nubbin at the tip of the vulva. Yes, that’s the part you’ll be devoting most of your attention to physically, but what you see on the outside is truly just the tip of the iceberg. Rowett explains that the nerves of the clitoris actually spread all across the vulva and vaginal area, meaning all that external stimulation is going further than you think beneath the surface.
“The clitoris is made up of erectile tissue and has, on average, as much surface area as a penis when engorged,” says sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr, explaining that the clit is part of a system of internal organs that all come together to produce the experience of sexual pleasure.
Now, when it comes to rubbing your clit, there isn’t a wrong way to do it—as long as it brings you pleasure. That also means—and allow us to make this very clear—that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with incorporating sex toys into your clit-rubbing game. (More on that later.) That said, sometimes you just want to get yourself off the old-school way and that is a-okay too. Hi, we’re here for all of it!
But while it’s hard to go wrong when it comes to self-love, sometimes some expert tips and tricks can be useful to get you started, especially if you’re new to the masturbation game. And even if you’re a clit-rubbing veteran, having some new ideas can be a great way to change up your routine and keep things interesting. Humans thrive on novelty, friends!
So allow us to present 15 of the very best, most incredible clit-rubbing tips, brought to you by some of the world’s leading self-pleasure experts.
1. Try sensual stimulation
According to Fehr, sensual stimulation is a way to tease and awaken the body, so that arousal builds and builds “until it’s ready to overflow into an orgasm or into the desire to have penetration.” She suggests using slow and sensual touch on the entire body (not just the clitoris) and starting from the outside in. “The clitoris and the vagina should be the last in the order of what gets stimulated.” She suggests moving from the underarms, to the chests and breasts (“without touching the nipples”), to the inner thighs. Once you reach your genitals, “start with the external labia and move inward.” Fehr also suggests varying the level and speed of your touch, from light to firm, or slow to fast. “By going slowly, you allow the body and the clitoral network to awaken, to come alive, and to become engorged at its own speed. It allows the nervous system to settle, feel safe, and open up to more.”
2. Try layering
Instead of going for straight up clit-hand-action, Marie suggests layering your bed sheet, a T-shirt, or a duvet over your vulva for more indirect stimulation. “There are people who are super sensitive, so this can slow down possible orgasm, limit sensory overload, and add a layer of new sensations,” she explains. This can be especially helpful if you find your clitoris is too sensitive for direct impact. Offering some muted stimulation can lighten the sensation enough to keep things feeling good.
3. Use different fingers
Try experimenting with different fingers—and amounts of fingers. “Adding and subtracting fingers can change the sensations,” Marie says. “Using more fingers can help spread the vulva for added clitoral exposure.” We’ll have some of that, please!
4. Try staying on one side
Focusing on one side of the clitoris can help you discover new super-sensitive areas and forms of touch that may prove particularly pleasurable, says Rowett. “Try using your middle finger to slowly stroke down your clit,” she says. “The top left quadrant is often the most sensitive.” Obviously, this will vary from person-to-person, so give it a try on the left and then the right to see how it feels for you. You can also try this technique (and all techniques) with a vibrator.
5. Try going lighter
Sometimes we just go right from zero to a hundred with the stimulation, and we don’t always need to. “Remember that clits and vulvas are more sensitive than penises, so they need lighter and softer touch than you would think,” Rowett says. Try changing up tempos and pressure to see if a lighter touch is something you enjoy.
6. Try the “peace sign” method
This genius tip comes courtesy of Carmel Jones, sex and relationships expert. If you have a very sensitive clitoris, touching it directly can feel like over-stimulation, Jones explains. For folx with ultra-sensi clits, put two fingers up like you’re making a peace sign, and press the peace sign just outside your clitoris, on your outer labia, Jones suggests. From there, you can either move your fingers up and down (imagine you are playing two keys on piano), or gently massage your fingers together and then apart. Both these motions can stimulate your clitoris without direct contact, Jones says. For even more of a buffer, Jones also says you can also try doing the peace sign method or other masturbation techniques over a pair of undies or a light blanket.
7. Try to stimulate the entirety of your clit, not just the visible external part
Your clit is like an iceberg — there are a ton more nerves under the surface, and the part you can see and touch is really just a small portion of it. Your clit actually extends around your vaginal opening and is shaped kinda like a wishbone. “Most vulva owners are only aware of the top of the clitoris that is typically rubbed to reach orgasm,” explains Malika O’Neill, sex expert and owner of The Pleasure Collective. Massage your labia and the area right above the clit wishbone legs for even more stimulation. You can also extend your touch even further and massage your vaginal opening, perineum (between your vagina and anus), inner thighs, and anus, O’Neill suggests. If you want even deeper sensation, O’Neill recommends using an external vibrator on those areas to try to get even more zuzh out of your anatomy.
8. Use pressure to give your clit a mini-hand job
The skin that covers your clit is your clitoral hood, and it’s essentially like a foreskin for your clit. You can work the clitoral hood into your masturbation sessions as well. O’Neill suggests gently gripping the skin between your thumb and pointer finger and experimenting with pressure until you find something that feels pleasurable for you. From there, you can try different motions like moving your hand or fingers up and down. To help you visualize it, you’re essentially giving your clit a mini-hand job, as O’Neill explains.
9. Try diagonal movement
To “rub” your clit is a pretty broad directive, so sometimes it can be helpful to know exactly what to do and how to move your fingers or hands. O’Neill suggests experimenting with diagonal movement for more pleasure. “Take two to three fingers, flatten them, and gently rub your clit back and forth in diagonal motions, increasing in speed and intensity as you desire.” This can be great if you have a sensitive clit or if you’re just looking to change things up.
10. Try some lube
Sex and relationships educator Kate McCombs suggests putting a quarter-sized drop of lube on your fingers and using it to gently massage your clitoris. You can also put your fingers on either side of your clitoris and move slowly up and down your inner labia, AKA the folds of skin immediately surrounding your clit. The lube lets you slow down and really focus on smooth, continuous motions so you can figure out what feels good. Not everyone likes friction!
11. Try circular motions
Some women find that consistency, rather than increased pace, is what gets them off. To test this theory, use one or two fingers to make steady circles around or on the top of your clitoris. You can vary up the speed, but once you find something that feels good, try and stick with it for a few minutes and see what happens.
12. Try light taps
A twist on the above: still steady, but this time, make it a tapping motion! This can tire out your hand after a bit but it allows you to play with pressure. Do you like taps that feel a bit heavier, like a rub, or lighter, like a cool ocean breeze here to deliver you bomb-ass orgasms?
9. Try going double time.
This strategy comes courtesy of OMGYes, a site devoted to understanding how women get off. Try using both hands. One hand slowly circles the entrance of your vagina without penetrating, while the other draws circles on your clitoris more quickly. The increase of sensation variety might be exactly what you need
10. Try it on your stomach.
Put your thing down, flip it, and reverse it. If you’re someone who’s into rubbing your clit against a surface (#TBT dry humping), you might want to see what happens when you masturbate face-down on your bed. That way you can still use your hands, but you’ll also be free to grind against your mattress or a pillow for a little extra oomph.
11. Try a vibrator.
At the end of the day, vibrators are a great option for people whose hands get tired or, let’s be real, if you happen to have long fingernails. Basically, vibrators are for everyone. They’re A++++ for experimenting because most toys these days vary in both speed and pattern of vibration. You can find a stellar list of clit-centric vibrators right this way. (Just make sure yours is fully charged before you start going at it.)
Gigi Engle is a writer, certified sexologist, sex coach, and sex educator. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Elle Magazine, Teen Vogue, Glamour and Women’s Health.