Love taking personality tests, reading about pop psychology and learning more about yourself? You might have heard about “otroverts.” If not, no worries: We’ll catch you up to speed.
Psychiatrist Dr. Rami Kaminski coined the term in his 2025 book “The Gift of Not Belonging.” Otroverts are essentially people who look and act like extroverts, but need their “introvert time.” They often feel “othered” (“otro” means “other”).
If that description sounds like you or a loved one, you might want some insight into common otrovert struggles and therapists’ advice. If that’s the case, read on as therapists share common concerns they hear from otroverted clients, plus their expert-backed responses.
Common Therapy Topics Among Otroverted Clients
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Confusion about their energy levels.
Otroverts want to be social and relationally oriented, but it drains their nervous system. Those energy levels can cause them to feel confused and frustrated.
“They’ll say things like, ‘I can spend the whole night with friends and feel totally drained the next day,’ and feel bad about it,” said Claudia Johnson, a therapist and the owner and clinical director at PNW Sex Therapy Collective.
The confusion makes sense. They may wonder, if they’re “people-people,” why are social interactions so draining? And if they recharge with alone time, what makes them feel so guilty and anxious about doing it?
How their energy levels affect their relationships.
Those experiences and feelings can also confuse or upset their loved ones.
“Many describe difficulty navigating relationships where partners or loved ones expect a consistent level of availability, because at times, they can show up fully,” said Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist, author, podcaster and researcher. “When their capacity shifts, their needs change, and this is often misunderstood.”
Over time, she continued, they begin to mask their limits and push through exhaustion, feeling shame and depletion. It’s a rough cycle.
Worrying about how others perceive them.
Speaking of otroverts in relationships, another concern is feeling misunderstood or not seen (which comes back to “otro” meaning “other”). That can influence how they interact in and experience relationships.
“This can cause anxiety, worries of not being liked and patterns of people-pleasing,” said Jessica Steinman, a licensed psychotherapist. “Also, otroverts may have some past traumas or issues with ‘being othered,’ which causes the ‘extroverted need’ to be seen and fit in.”
Struggling in social settings and after social events.
Otroverts may feel like “outsiders” since they don’t quite identify as an introvert or extrovert.
“Often, otroverts appear to be totally enmeshed in a social setting, sometimes even acting as the center of attention, yet express feeling a sense of disconnection or loneliness afterwards,” said Allyssa Powers, a therapist, educator and YouTuber.
They may struggle both during and after the social gathering. “Further, these clients can describe feeling like they’re ‘too much’ in some settings and ‘not enough’ in others,” said Hallie Kritsas, a licensed mental health counselor with Thriveworks in Jacksonville, Florida. “They can then struggle with navigating social energy, as they want connection, but need depth during the interactions and recovery time after.”
Overfunctioning in social settings (and secretly feeling exhausted after).
“Doing the most” is another big theme for otroverts in therapy.
“These clients may seem extroverted and cool on the job, but then they feel a cavernous internal processing and exhaustion,” said Vickery Rendall, a licensed clinical social worker and owner at Paper Birch Therapy, PLLC in Oregon. “The main presenting problem in therapy is emotional numbing or being easily annoyed with loved ones.”
Courtney Morgan, a licensed therapist and co-founder of TherapyList, also noticed that feeling burned out and almost resentful is “the biggest theme” with otroverts. That could be based on their interpretation of their “social role.”
“They tend to be the ones orchestrating everything … They spend their time in a group setting playing the role of an extrovert and also tracking how everyone else is responding,” she said. “Even though they perform well in social settings, they rarely feel fulfilled by them.”
After days like that, they may say something like this in therapy sessions: “Everyone thinks I’m confident, bubbly and social, but I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and don’t feel fully seen,” said Alyssa Kushner, LCSW, a licensed therapist and the owner of AK Psychotherapy in New York City and Washington, DC. She added how otroverts crave connection but don’t always feel anchored to it — which comes back to that common feeling of confusion.
Feeling like something is “wrong” with them.
All the concerns mentioned above can cause otroverts to feel like they’re inadequate in some way.
“My otroverted clients come into therapy because they feel that they’re too sensitive, too quiet, get too socially drained when their peers don’t and feel like they’re somehow deficient because they don’t operate the same way louder and more externally expressive people around them do,” said Cristina Billingsley, a trauma and anxiety therapist and the clinical director of Sierra Center for Wellness in California.
She added, “My clients report feeling chronically overstimulated, that they’re the only ones who feel this way, that no one gets them or that they have to perform and match the energy and intensity of their colleagues and friends.”
How Therapists Respond To Those Common Concerns
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Normalize the experience.
It’s OK to want to connect with people sometimes and to need space from them other times. That doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with you, or that you’re “actually” an introvert or extrovert. In fact, several of these therapists identify as otroverts. They encourage you to think about what you need in each moment and respect it.
“I work with them on unmasking so they can notice when they are pushing past their limits and start honoring their actual capacity instead of the version others expect,” Kelley said. “I remind them that they are allowed to have changing needs, and that needing space or adjustment does not mean they are inconsistent, unreliable or letting anyone down.”
Encourage self-compassion.
As mentioned, understanding your needs and giving yourself grace is key. Jacov encouraged his otroverted clients to honor both their social side and their solidarity side, hoping they can learn to navigate social obligations with feelings of self-assurance and safety.
“We learn to tune into the body to recognize what level of energy is actually available,” he said. “We build compassion and even appreciation for having these two opposing parts.”
Cognitive reframes can help. For example, Billingsley suggested saying that the temperament is a strength rather than a flaw.
Help with boundary-setting.
The focus, Steinman said, is ensuring these clients get their needs met and can assertively set boundaries. That may mean saying “no” to a friend’s invitation, or even saying “no” to themselves.
“We also look at how someone can take a step back and know when they need to get their ‘cup refilled,’ have self-care and tolerate any uncomfortable thoughts or feelings when they want to lean into their introverted side,” she said.
Adjust unhelpful thoughts.
Rendall reminded her clients that they are worthy people outside their titles and social roles. They don’t need to constantly “perform” to be valuable.
Realizing which self-expectations are unrealistic can help with that, according to Morgan. She reminded her otrovert clients that they don’t have to do it all. “We practice letting silence exist, energy dip and letting someone else manage small hiccups,” she said.
It takes practice, but it can be effective. Ultimately, focus on what feels good for you in the moment.
“The ultimate goal here isn’t to become more introverted or more extroverted,” Kushner said. “It’s to feel regulated and authentic in both modes, and to be selective with who and what you give your precious energy to.”