If you’ve ever felt that your concerns were ignored, dismissed, or minimized during a medical appointment, you’re certainly not alone. No doubt you’ve heard horror stories from female friends, family members, and coworkers whose medical problems advanced because their initial concerns weren’t taken seriously. Women often report having to prove that their symptoms weren’t “all in their head,” or having been labeled “just a hypochondriac” for insisting that something was wrong after a doctor failed to provide a diagnosis.
“What we’re talking about here is gender inequality in healthcare,” says Karla Robinson, MD, a board-certified family medicine practitioner and medical editor for GoodRx, a healthcare company that aims to make healthcare more affordable and convenient by tracking prescription drug costs to offer discounted prices, operating a telemedicine platform, and serving as a health information resource. “It has been an institutionalized form of discrimination within healthcare for many years.”
But let’s face it: It’s not always easy to speak up when you feel like you’re experiencing medical injustice—especially while vulnerably sitting half-naked, draped in a paper gown, and feeling rushed as you vie for your busy doctor’s attention.
In fact, it can be downright intimidating, especially for younger women.
Working with Dr. Robinson and GoodRx, we crafted this conversation guide to help you take power if you find yourself facing any of these three all-too-common scenarios at your next doctor’s appointment. “We are raising a generation now that does feel empowered to ask for change, speak up, and make some waves,” she says.
Scenario 1: Your doctor is staring at their laptop or tablet, seemingly typing up notes about the conversation you’re having, but you don’t feel like they are really listening to you.
What could be going on: “Due to the utilization of electronic medical records, you do see providers on their laptops, typing their notes while you’re meeting,” says Dr. Robinson. “It really takes skill as a provider to split your time between documentation and being present in the actual appointment. When there’s the barrier of a computer screen, you’re not able to make eye contact and that becomes even more intimidating.”
How to make sure you’re getting the care you need: Tell the doctor, “I understand why you’re documenting this conversation and taking care of the administrative paperwork, but I’m worried you aren’t hearing all my concerns and I’d like to make sure we’re on the same page. Can we quickly review and make sure we haven’t missed anything in the notes?”
Scenario 2: Your doctor says your labs look “fine,” so there’s nothing more to do, but you still don’t feel well.
What could be going on: “As providers, we will oftentimes take your symptoms and look for the most likely scenario, and that may include ordering certain labs or tests,” says Dr. Robinson. “And sometimes those tests don’t really tell us the full story; they’re only one aspect of the story. So we have to rely heavily on the patient to tell us that we’re missing something.”
How to make sure you’re getting the care you need: Tell your provider, “I’m certainly reassured and encouraged by normal test results, but I still feel like there’s something going on that we haven’t addressed or that we’re missing here.” If your provider isn’t willing to investigate further or you don’t feel like you’re being heard, that’s when a second opinion is needed (see below for advice on how to navigate that).
Scenario 3: You sent records over from previous doctors, hoping they will give your new doctor some important background on your current medical ailments, but based on the questions they are asking it doesn’t appear they’ve reviewed them.
What could be going on: “Most doctors really want to do a good job and take care of their patients,” says Dr. Robinson, “but oftentimes we have very small time slots between appointments, which can make it difficult to review large volumes of paperwork beforehand. Sometimes it’s easier for us to ask you, ‘what are the things I need to know?'”
How to make sure you’re getting the care you need: Ask your provider, “Did you have a chance to review the records I sent over in advance of this appointment?” They might say yes, and just want to hear in your own words what’s going on. But if they say no, ask, “Should I make a follow-up appointment where we can talk about my records?” They may need to set aside specific time to do that, and this lets them know that there’s important information in there that you think they should know. If you have a complicated medical history, it may be wise to arrive at your appointment with a prepared list of the most important things that need to be discussed at this visit, so they have a road map to addressing your most pressing issues.
Here’s How to Find the Right Doctor
“This is not a one-sided relationship,” cautions Dr. Robinson, emphasizing that the patient has a responsibility to be an active participant in the process as well. “It requires communication between the two of you in order to get the best possible outcomes for your health. The better versed you are in your health history, medications, and symptoms, the more prepared you are for appointments and the more likely you are to get the most out of them.”
Along with becoming familiar with your own medical history, you should also research your doctor before visiting them. The proper due diligence starts with checking a healthcare provider’s credentials, licensing, and board certifications. ”People may also interview a doctor to see if it’ll be a good fit. If that gives you extra comfort, certainly go ahead,” Dr. Robinson says, before cautioning that “you’ll definitely want to make sure that your insurance will cover an interview visit.”
If you elect against interviewing the doctor you’ve located but you’ve researched their credentials and feel excited about making them a part of your care team, schedule an appointment with them to see how you get along in person. For this, Dr. Robinson recommends preparing a list of concerns to guide the appointment. “I encourage everyone to make a list ahead of time,” she says. “Not only to keep the provider on their toes, but to keep you on your toes.” Once you and your health provider are on the same page about what needs to be addressed during the appointment, you can focus on making sure that your chemistry is a match and they treat you with respect.
“It has to be a good in-person fit in order for the doctor-patient relationship to work,” Dr. Robinson says. “And that means finding a doctor who makes you feel heard, makes good eye contact, repeats back what you’re saying to ensure they fully understand, and takes an interest in and is invested in your health.” Another sign that you’ve found the right match? You no longer find yourself worrying about the clock during your appointments. “Good providers can make you feel like you’re the only one on their schedule for the day,” Dr. Robinson says.
Additionally, good providers will listen to and care about your financial concerns. “I always encourage people to be transparent about their insurance status and financial situation when talking with their doctors,” says Dr. Robinson. “We know that cost can be a major barrier for patients, which is why GoodRx exists to help people save money on their healthcare. Financial health and physical health are inextricably linked—be candid with your doctor about your doctor about your concerns and needs.” A good doctor will help you find the best possible plan for both your health and your wallet.
The right doctor will not only make sure you leave your appointment with answers to those priority questions you came prepared with, but will also help you set up a plan to resolve any other concerns you may not have had time to cover. While it’s not always possible to address every single health concern in a 30-minute appointment, there are a variety of resources and strategies your doctor can recommend to help you stay on top of your health—whether it’s booking a follow-up appointment, reading information from their office, or using GoodRx to research health conditions, medications, and treatments.
Know How to Get a Second Opinion
If your diagnosis isn’t clear or you aren’t confident in your care team, seek a second opinion. You can always ask your doctor for a referral, but if you’re afraid that will turn into an awkward conversation, Dr. Robinson recommends:
- Visiting GoodRx Care for a same-day online visit with a licensed healthcare provider via text, phone, or video.
- Checking your insurance company’s database for a list of in-network providers.
- Relying on the network of women around you, and asking if they have a provider they trust and like.
Don’t Hesitate to Fire a Doctor If Things Aren’t Right
If you feel as though your doctor isn’t listening to you or taking your concerns seriously, or you just aren’t jibing, give them the boot. “You can certainly fire a doctor at any time,” says Dr. Robinson. “If it’s not working, it’s not working. If you’re not accomplishing the goal, move on and find a new provider who meets your needs.”