28 People in Relationships Reveal How Often They Actually Have Sex

28 People in Relationships Reveal How Often They Actually Have Sex

Have you ever wondered how often people in relationships are actually having sex? Maybe you hook up with your partner once or twice a week depending on your schedules or how tired you are post-Love Island marathon. But then, a friend casually mentions over brunch that she has sex every day, religiously, and you think, Am I behind?! The answer is no, bb, you’re not. Everyone’s sex life is different and there’s no “right” or “wrong” amount to get it on (yes, even if your bestie swears by daily morning sex). How often you have sex is all about finding what works for you, your partner, and your relationship.

Let’s be clear: The goal isn’t to play the comparison game, but it’s totally natural to wonder how often people are realistically doing the deed nowadays. According to the 2023 Gen Z Deep Dive edition of eHarmony’s Dating Diaries survey, 91 percent of Millennials in relationships have sex at least once a week, compared to 78 percent of Gen Z-ers. The survey also found that nearly half (46 percent) of Gen Z singles have used more than six sex positions this year thus far compared to 40 percent of Millennials—so, clearly, both demos are keeping things spicy, which we love to see.

But everyone defines sex differently, and only you can determine what feels best for you. Plus, there are many important factors that can impact our sex lives, like schedules, moods, energy levels, hormonal and physical changes, medications, intimacy styles, family life and having kids, overall comfort level, and more. Regardless of how often you’re currently having sex, know that it’s a personal experience and it’s okay for your routine to ebb and flow.

Survey data can only capture so much, so to get the real lowdown, we asked Millennials and Gen Z women, femmes, and non-binary folks to share how often they’re having sex these days. Here’s what they had to say.

  1. “We have been together for 10 years, but have been sexually active for seven, no kids, both in our young 20s. We typically have sex at night two to four times a week, but sometimes we’ve gone weeks without it, just because of work travel, exhaustion, stress, and many factors that play into frequency! Or even like a super heavy dinner. Sometimes I feel old! My drive comes and goes, especially with birth control. He usually makes advances first and I’m cool with that.” —Maria, 24
  2. “I’m 29, my partner is 30, we’ve been together for five years, and married for one year. We have sex about twice a week. For the first couple years of dating, the sex was more frequent—almost everyday—but recently it has been slowing down. The past few months I’ve noticed a pattern of us having more sex around the follicular part of my cycle, and the most sex around ovulation when my sex drive is the highest. Then slowing down during the luteal phase and period.” —Megan, 29
  3. “I’m 23 and my partner is 22. We’ve been dating for a year and we usually have sex every day.” —Jessie*, 23
  4. “I’m 30 and my partner is 29. We are married (four years) and have sex about once every three weeks. We have a baby which has decreased our desire and energy levels, but are both on the same page.” —Nicole*, 30
  5. “My boyfriend is 32, we’ve been together about seven months now and sex is just as steamy—if not even better—than the first couple of months. We typically have sex four to six times a week, depending on the week and our moods, but he’s typically always ready to go! I feel so deeply connected to him and I’ve never experienced sex the way I do with him (and that’s saying something).” —Taylor, 29
  6. “I’m 23 and so is my boyfriend. We’ve been together for two and a half years now, but since we each still live with our parents, I feel like we don’t ~do the deed~ as much as the average 23-year-old couple…whatever that is. I’d say we’d like to have sex three to four times a week, but realistically we’re lucky if we get one to two. We also both work and he’s in school, so I try to plan fun little trips for us to take so we can get more alone time in and get away from all the busy, stressful stuff.” —Rylie, 23
  7. “I’m 30 and my boyfriend is 23. We have sex every other day.” —Ella*, 30
  8. “We’re both 37. Married for 13 years with three young kids. We’re finally starting to have sex more again as we emerge from the post-babies haze, probably two to three times per week.” —Kara*, 37
  9. “My partner and I have been married for a year (together for three years) and we have sex about four to five times a week. It would probably be more, but both of us have very demanding jobs that sometimes make it more difficult to find time.” —Brooke, 27
  10. “I have two loving partners. I’ve been with one for seven years and with the other for three. Our sex lives are very different. Very frequent with one partner and very seldom with the other.” —Sam, 29
  11. “My partner and I have been married for nine months, together for three years. We are intimate four to five times a week depending on travel schedules, work, etc. I am newly pregnant so we are navigating that aspect as well!” —Caroline*, 28
  12. “I’m 25 and my partner is 41. Without kids, we would have sex pretty religiously every day. Since kids it has definitely become more sporadic—lots more secret quickies less often. My husband thrives off sex every morning. I like it to be a bit more when the mood is right, not the morning wood.” —Jenna*, 25
  13. “I’m 31 and my partner is 30. We’ve been together for six and a half years, married for four. Currently, we have sex one to two times a week. I am currently pregnant for the first time, so the frequency has been cut back lately.” —Lauren*, 31
  14. “My boyfriend and I, 27 and 28 respectively, have been together for almost four years and in that time together, our sex life has changed pretty drastically. We used to have sex *at least* three times a week—sometimes even twice a day—but now it’s more like three times a month (if we’re lucky). We just moved in together, which I honestly think is contributing to the change. But then again, our sex life was starting to shift even before we moved in together. I’ve tried to encourage scheduling sex (advice I’ve gotten from my therapist and sex and relationship experts online!) but he’s really against that, and says that ‘part of the fun of sex is being spontaneous.’” In my opinion, scheduling it would help us to have sex a lot more often! Basically, we’re still working out the kinks (no pun intended!).” —Emily, 27
  15. “My husband and I have known each other for 10 years and have been together for nine years. We have one kid and have sex three to four times a week. It takes work to be into each other, but we try to hug and kiss every chance we get to consistently touch each other and give each other words of affirmationwhen it makes sense to do so. The free things can mean the most—touch, gratitude, and happiness.” —Courtney*, 28
  16. “I’m 36, my partner is 37. We have been together for six years, with one kiddo. We work opposite schedules so sex is only four to five times a month.” —Lucy*, 36
  17. “I am 28, my partner is 29. We have been dating for four years. For the past two years, we have been pretty consistently having sex about once a week. I think we would both like to have sex more, but I just finished grad school and he’s been finishing law school and studying for the bar exam…so academics have been taking a lot of focus.” —Bailey*, 28
  18. “I’m 28, my partner is 27. We’ve been together for 10 years and we have sex once a week, sometimes more. We met in high school so when we first started dating, we had a lot more sex. Now that we’re both in our careers, balancing friendships, etc., we don’t have as much time together when we’re not exhausted. We make time for each other at least once weekly for a date night and once weekly for a spicy night.” —Maddie*, 28
  19. “My husband and I are the same age and have been together for 10 years, married for two. When we met in college, we were having sex multiple times a week. Now over the past few years, it’s usually once a month. I know he would prefer more, but I have a very low sex drive. It doesn’t help that I’ve been feeling very self-conscious about my weight gain so feeling ‘sexy’ is really hard for me.” —Britt*, 29
  20. “My partner and I are both 20 and in college. We have sex whenever we are in the mood for it—don’t really have a set schedule and do not try to pressure each other to. We just enjoy spending genuine time together since we both have busy schedules.” —Emily, 20
  21. “My partner and I are both 30. We’ve been together for almost a decade and have sex about weekly. It depends on our stress levels and how our brains and bods are feeling—sometimes more, sometimes less.” —Rachel, 30
  22. “I’m 30 and my partner is 28. We’ve been together for a little over a year and we have sex maybe once a week (if that). We only live about 20 minutes from each other, but with work and life obligations we don’t often see each other in private settings. When we’re on trips together, we usually have sex almost every day, so if/when we move in together, I would expect us to have sex more often.” —Charlie*, 30
  23. “I’m 29 and my partner is 30. We’ve been dating and living together for three years. When we’re in the same place, we have sex four to five times a week but we both travel for work A LOT. This means we spend six to eight months of the year having great sex and the rest of the year pretty much celibate.” —Julia, 29
  24. “I’m 36 and my boyfriend is 34. We’ve been together for one year, and we don’t live together. We have sex most days that we see each other, which is usually about three times a week.” —Marley*, 36
  25. “My boyfriend and I are high school sweethearts and have been together for almost eight years. We only see each other about once a week for a day or two at a timeand we usually have sex during this time. It’s always such a good time and we really learn from and trust one another.” —Emma, 22
  26. “My husband and I are both 29. We’ve been together for over five years. We don’t really have a consistent number of times we have sex each week or month. It was definitely a lot more frequent early in our relationship (sometimes multiple times a day), but now with a kid and my husband working long hours it varies based on how exhausted we are. Sometimes it’s three to four times per week, other times it can be three to four times per month. Ideally, we’d both like to have sex more, but that’s not the reality of our life at this time. Regardless of how often we have sex, I will say we are incredibly happy together and when we do have sex it’s really, really good.” —Emily, 29
  27. “I’m 29 and my husband is 30. We’ve been married for one year, together for nine. We try to have sex about three times a week. We have no kids and both work from home, so we sometimes feel guilty that we don’t do it more.” —Steph*, 29
  28. “I’m 20 and my partner is 19. We’ve been together for about two and a half years. We are both college students who attend different universities, so we often don’t get to spend much time with each other during the school year besides breaks and visits. We have sex about once a month or every two months because of this, but over the summer we have more time together which is really nice.” —Grace*, 20

*Some quotes have been condensed and edited for clarity.

*Name has been changed.

Freelance Writer

Tianna Soto is a writer, editor, and professional speaker based in New York City. Her writing on relationships, sex, and wellness has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Elite Daily, MindBodyGreen, and more. When she’s not writing, you can find her traveling, singing, and speaking with audiences about mental health. 

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