Of the many advantages of Sapphic Love—familiarity with the equipment, better post-sex wet spot situation and a lower chance of being subjected to earnest jackhammering—one of the best is that it’s not subjected to the same old hetero-normative ideas of what you’re “supposed” to be doing. Sometimes the mere fact of not being a normie can be a turn-on.
“The thing I enjoy most is being able to bask in the vulnerability that comes with queer sex, especially with other fat, Black femmes such as myself. I feel like unpacking my own queerphobia has really contributed to this experience and has allowed me to open up and truly enjoy the experience with partners that are inherently pleasure-centric because of our shared plight,” says writer Cheyenne Davis.
To get yourself to that pleasure-centric space, try these ideas:
-Mind the foreplay: “Upgrade your foreplay!” says Chelsea Downs, co-founder of sex positive toy and gear company New York Toy Collective. “Use pressure point massage during your foreplay.
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Use what you know/like or, if you have a few minutes, Google ‘pressure points.’ Rubbing the scalp, bottoms of feet and calves can completely change the experience.”
-Play with temperature: “Temperatures, including ice and a wet washcloth, can be a pleasant surprise,” says Downs. “Turn on some instrumental music and blindfold your partner so they can focus on the sensations.”
-Use pillows: “Use what you’ve got! Make use of your bedroom pillows. Using pillows to lift and support core muscles makes a more comfortable experience. When on your back, put them under the waist and butt. When on your belly, place pillows under your core for additional support,” says Downs.
–Just ask: “The best sex position is communication,” says musician Abby Diamond. “Seriously, a lot of this stuff is a conversation with your partner, feeling safe to ask for what you want, and then trial (and sometimes hilarious) error.”
Before you dive into this list of the best positions, if you’re looking for someone to practice with, check this list of lesbian dating apps you’ll actually enjoy being on. And if you’re already with someone (awwww!) and you need some new playthings, try one of these lesbian-friendly toys. Aaand you’re curious about how other people discovered their passion for the P, see how these other people discovered they were into women.