Want to have the most intense sex of your life? The lotus is an insanely intimate sex position that lends itself to both slow, passionate sex and a deeper connection between you and your partner. Also known as the “Yab Yum,” it’s a tantric position, which, in simple terms, means it originates from a more mindful approach to sex that’s all about connecting with yourself, with others, and with the world around you to reach a higher state of consciousness.
Sound like a lot? Don’t let it scare you! The lotus sex position is really all about being fully present with your partner and soaking each other in. “It’s a wonderful position to just practice eye-gazing, syncing your breath, or passionate kissing. It’s about slowing down and being present with each other and tapping into your personal and joint energies,” says sex expert and psychologist Jenn Gunsaullus, PhD.
In the lotus, one of you is sitting on the other’s lap as you wrap your legs and arms around each other to get as close (in all ways) as possible. “Start by breathing in sync as you gaze into one another’s eyes,” says ASTROGLIDE’s resident sexologist, Jess O’Reilly, PhD. “Eye contact can promote connection through oxytocin release.”
As you get all chill and love-drunk on your oxytocin surges, move slowly against each other. The sex part of the lotus is more about grinding than thrusting. Use your hips and legs to move your body against, around, and on top of your partner, even if they’re not necessarily inside of you. Really focus on what you’re feeling and experiencing. This position is not a race to orgasm, it’s about completely enjoying the whole journey.
“To boost intimacy, take your time,” says O’Reilly. “When trying something new (like a new position), we tend to rush into it because we want to ‘arrive.’ But if you slow down, you’ll likely tune into and discover new sensations (sound, touch, taste, sight, temperature) and this can heighten pleasure and connection.”
Read on for more on how to properly do the lotus sex position and a few variations to tweak it to your needs. Feel free to customize it! “You don’t get points (or pleasure) for being a purist when it comes to positions, so change this one up in any way that works for you,” says O’Reilly. “Add a pillow beneath your backsides, use the headboard for support, use toys and lube to heighten sensation, or play with sensory options (e.g. blindfolds, ice cubes, silk scarves, warm water) to change things up.”
1.The OG Lotus
Your partner sits on a flat surface (think: on the bed or on the floor) with their legs crossed. While facing your partner, sit on their lap, get as close as you can, and wrap your legs around their torso. Then your partner tucks their legs under you. Wrap your arms around each other and feel your chests melt together. (Pro tip: This position works best if you put the stronger person on the bottom.)
2. The Double Yum
If you want some extra clitoral stimulation, lean back onto your hands to open up your body. Encourage your partner to use their finger to stimulate your clitoris or try a bullet vibrator to make it extra spicy. This is also good if all the eye gazing is becoming a little too intense for either of you.
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3. The Face Time
“You can assume this position without penetration, simply for the pleasure of being close and enjoying one another’s bodies,” says O’Reilly. In this variation, focus on caressing each other’s faces. “The thin skin on your cheeks can be highly sensitive (and erogenous). If you’ve ever felt an orgasm tingle through your face, you know how sensitive it can be, so take some time to touch one another gently and sensually.” If you decide you want to take it further, grind against each other and/or bust out a wand vibrator for some outercourse.
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